Pasture Ornaments and Housewives

My sister and I had a conversation about our mother. Mom passed away several years ago, but of course not a day goes by that I don’t think of her influence on my life. She worked outside the home only once briefly for pay, but she was never idle. Her pastimes were often civic-minded, a value that she and my dad successfully passed on to all three of us kids.

One night several years ago we had company for dinner. Our guests were both equine-minded, and my husband good-naturedly chided all three of us for our ‘frivolous’ equine hobbies. A few days before that we’d met with a client who asked how many ponies I had. I felt that beyond wanting the number, there was a curiosity behind the question about why anyone needs so many.

When I was talking to my sister about our mother, I remarked about what an impossible role model Mom had been. My sister and I both work outside the home for pay, yet the home Mom made and the numerous outside activities that Mom sustained are the pattern we were brought up with and judge ourselves against. We both do well with career and outside activities but aren’t as accomplished in some of the other things our mother did so well.

I once had a new pony who was in serious need of lessons on being a mountain pony. I put the new pony in with the mares, and after a few quiet moments a circus erupted and it was clear that the new herd member wasn’t terribly welcome. After we intervened in the high-spirited antics, things quieted down again and I noticed which pony the newcomer was standing with. Plan B regarding mountain pony lessons became clear. There couldn’t have been a better equine teacher that the new pony could have gravitated towards. Yet that pony would be called a pasture ornament by many because she was too old to work anymore.

The one time that my mother worked outside the home was when she was a state legislator. Her campaign for office was not only a family affair but also a natural extension of our family’s civic-minded activities, which included regular work on political campaigns. In the information book for the state government, Mom’s picture appeared with all her legislative colleagues, much like in a yearbook. Under each legislator’s name was their occupation. At least one other officeholder shared Mom’s occupation: homemaker. Not only was ‘homemaker’ an excellent description of what these women did outside elected office, but it also had fewer negative connotations than ‘housewife.’

When I got my first pony, my intention was to put her to work, which I successfully did. When I got my second pony, my intention was to put him to work. I was also successful with him. I’ve always tried to make sure every pony here has a job. I have to admit, though, that often the job is more in my mind than in how they spend the hours of their day.

Mom was aware of all the negative connotations of the term housewife and her frequent retort was, “Yes, all I do all day is sit around reading movie magazines and eating chocolate bon-bons.” We put a movie magazine and some chocolate bon-bons in her grave because we knew she’d never had time or use for them when she was alive. Maybe her afterlife would be different.

One day I had visitors who wanted to meet the ponies. We ended our tour in one paddock where we started talking about pony-related topics. One mare stood with us the whole time and eventually inserted herself into the conversation. I think I had been mentioning some grieving that I’d been going through, and my pony responded by moving closer to me and putting her head quietly and carefully over my shoulder. It was incredibly touching. And it wasn’t the first time one of my ponies (especially my Fell Ponies) has responded in some way to a heavy emotion I’m experiencing.

I was contacted by a Fell Pony enthusiast wanting to grow their herd, but they qualified their goal by insisting they didn’t want any new ponies to just be pasture ornaments. I wondered if they would consider Fells running on the fells of Cumbria to be pasture ornaments. And it made me think again about the term housewife and its similarities to pasture ornament. These two terms are so often used with heavy (negative) judgment. My experience, though, has been that those labeled with these terms often contribute so much to the quality of the life they share with others. I think of the many moments of profound peace I have felt thanks to my mother’s homemaking and my ponies’ presence in my pastures, moments that are priceless. My hope is that the people who use these terms judgmentally will someday experience the profound gifts that housewives and pasture ornaments bring to life.

© Jenifer Morrissey, 2022

More stories like this one are in my book What An Honor, available internationally by clicking here or on the picture.